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When you can't stand your own point of view anymore and become someone else

Synesthesia

A state of mind used typically by those who have trouble with anesthesia and brought on by watching a Perry Como Christmas special without sound while a Butthole Surfers CD blares in the background; Warning: The ACLU is investigating this practice with regard to cruel and unusual behavior

Tag Questions

You're it, aren't you.

Tape Editing

Editing out sections of your home movies to prove to people that you weren't such a bad guy after all

Trance

Temporarily ridding the client of that annoying personality

Translating

Making up a story to go with the picture when the audio goes out on the TV or in the case of radio, imagining what the DJ really looks like

Unconscious Movement

Usually experienced passing the Hagen Daz section in the grocery store

Universal Qualifier

Of all the language patterns this has always been my favorite. Every time. Would I lie to you? Never.

Unspecified Noun

They usually don't have a problem with this

Well-Formed Outcome

A goal you actually have a chance of attaining such as: I'd like to stop and pick up some bread at the grocery store. Assuming the car runs, you having sufficient money, the store being open and having bread in stock and avoiding such things as personal injury, an old lover coming to town, your spouse finding out and/or your unexpected demise this should be easily accomplished.

All pleasant correspondence should be sent directly to:

All unpleasant correspondence should first be marked "Do not fold, spindle or mutilate" and have "FRAGILE" stamped in several places. Where you sent it after that is moot because it won't arrive in legible form anyway.

Anybody wanting something from me should avoid the middle-man and send directly to:

If you're too lazy to write yet feel capable of hefting a phone receiver you could always call (303) 702-9463